Sad

You ever just have a 'sad' day? A day where you wish things could be different, or better? A day where you hope for certain things and it just comes crashing down when you realize it's never going to happen, and completely breaks your heart? A day where you have no control over your tears, and your kids look at you in concern and ask why you're sad? A day where you just feel broken and it's going to take a miracle to feel better?

I try so hard not to complain about things, and what I do every day. I try to keep everyone at peace and happy. I try not to cry. I try not to be scared. I try. I think things can just become overwhelming. That's life. Right? I tell myself every day, 'God will not give me anything I cannot handle'. It helps, but sometimes I feel like I just can't handle it. I'm exhausted. Completely exhausted.

It would be nice to receive a hug. A meaningful hug. To be held and told that everything will be ok. To have my tears wiped away and feel that it's ok to cry. I would love to have my hand held when I'm scared. I would love to have softer kleenexes to blow my nose and wipe my tears, but I don't feel I deserve it. I would love to not be in physical pain from this pregnancy. I would love to be not scared about delivering this baby. I would love to be able to sit and enjoy the birds outside. I would love to go for a walk, but I hurt too much.

Things I need to remember, are that I'm so thankful that I'm able to be home. I'm thankful that my kids are healthy. I'm thankful for the nursing staff at Woodwinds to reassure me that everything is ok after my visit yesterday. I'm thankful everything is ok. I'm thankful I have the ability to do things others can't. I'm thankful that every night I can sleep next to the person I couldn't live my life without. I'm thankful I have boys, they sure do keep me on my toes. I have to remember these good things in my life. Some days can be difficult, but I really have no reason to complain. Although, I am only human and sometimes people just need to complain. And cry.